“We’re not pet owners. We’re staff.”
Dear valued members of the household,
A warm welcome (from a safe distance) to our newest resident overlord: Chewy, a 10‑month‑old Lhasa Apso - also known in official circles as “the bearded lion dog” .
Previous experience with Beagles, crossbreeds, and a Coton de Tulear does not qualify anyone for service in this particular royal court.
HEADLINE NEWS: CHEWY DECLARES THEMSELF “MAIN CHARACTER”#
Chewy has been spotted sprinting through mud, fields, and any available patch of “absolutely not, we just washed you” with the confidence of someone who believes they personally invented the outdoors.
They also socialise widely — Labradors, Larger breeds, small dogs — although like an A‑list celebrity doing a meet-and-greet tour, except with more mud and fewer NDAs.
PROPERTY & SECURITY: FORT CHEWY ON HIGH ALERT#
Residents are advised that Chewy guards the house “like their life depends on it” and carries themself with a regal air of royalty.
As one of the his staff wisely summarised: “You’re not a pet owner, you’re the staff in the royal Lhasa household.”
HR confirms this is accurate. Please stop submitting appeals.
DOMESTIC OPERATIONS:#
Chewy’s hobbies include:
- Removing all laundry from the laundry basket (a bold stance on minimalism)
- Flipping bedding, then dragging it triumphantly from room to room like a tiny furry interior designer with zero concern for staff’s backs !
If you find a sock in the hallway, remember: it’s not a mess. It’s an installation.
THE “LHASA STARE” WEATHER WARNING#
A severe “Lhasa stare” has been reported during bath time, particularly when mud is being removed from Chewy’s coat.
Experts confirm that if looks could kill, this newsletter would be published posthumously.
PERSONAL SPACE POLICY (STRICTLY ENFORCED)#
Chewy will sit near staff members, but not next to them, as they maintain personal space boundaries appropriate for minor royalty.
Do not take this personally. It’s not you. It’s their brand.
Management (Lisa) reports being very happy to join the Lhasa Apso breed community—presumably to compare notes with other household staff and exchange laundry basket risk assessments.
No actions required. (Chewy has already assigned everyone their role.)
We both are looking forward to meeting you very soon in person at the social events arranged for this year
Lisa & Chewy